Ridiculously Wicked

by The 8th Horcrux

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Mark Swarthout
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Mark Swarthout Amazingly great versions of songs to recent hits with the lyrics and production excellent quality and really fun! Favorite track: If You Wanna Rock at Quidditch.
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about

The fourth studio release from The 8th Horcrux. This record includes such songs as "If You Wanna Rock at Quidditch," "The Lavatory Song," and "Crabbe & Goyle." This record was originally going to be comrpised entirely of 90s parodies, but these plans fell through. Most of the parodies on this album are upbeat and have a definite 'fun' vibe.

credits

released July 1, 2012

Trina Sieg: Rhythm Guitar, Lead and Backup Vocals, Lyrics, Keyboard, Bass
Paul Thomas: Lead Guitar, Lead and Backup Vocals, Lyrics, Programming
Jason Robbins: Lyrics for "Malfoy"

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The 8th Horcrux Ottawa, Kansas

The 8th Horcrux is a wizard rock band that specializes in Harry Potter-inspired tunes... with a familiar twist.

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Track Name: If You Wanna Rock at Quidditch
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
Really want to be a Quidditch star

Your good at Quidditch? Don’t make me laugh
If you wanna get on our team you best fly fast
You don’t have to be Krum, to catch a snitch
But don’t be brat like Malfoy; he’s a son-of-a-witch

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
Really want to be a Quidditch star

If you wanna be a seeker, you're gonna have to catch the snitch
(Gonna have to catch the snitch)
If you don't grab that birdie, the game will never end
If you wanna rock at Quidditch, you're gonna hafta learn the rules
Playing at the ain't that easy, it ain't for stupid fools

If you play as beater, you'll get several scars
And if you play as keeper, you could be a star
But playing chaser, is the most fun
You might have 99 problems but a snitch ain’t one

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want
So tell me what you want, what you really really want
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
Really want to be a Quidditch star

If you wanna be a chaser, you're gonna have to own the pitch
(Gonna have to own the pitch)
Flying 'round on brooms is a job for a gifted witch
If you wanna rock at Quidditch, we have got to win
Dodging bludgers and takin' points from Slytherin

So here's our team from a to z, you wanna fly with us
You gotta know us personally
We got Ron goalie-ing and yes, he is our king
We got G, for Ginny, who flies up in the (sky)
Fred and George on the scene
They make quite a team
And as for me, well, I'm HP!
The game is really rough so beat on Hufflepuff
The game is really rough so beat on Hufflepuff

If you wanna rock at Quidditch, you gotta learn to stay afloat
(Gotta learn to stay afloat!)
Get a broom like Harry's souped up firebolt!
If you wanna rock at Quidditch, we have got to win
Dodging bludgers and takin' points from Slytherin

If you wanna rock at Quidditch!
Track Name: Crabbe and Goyle
What’s with these people turning to stone?
What’s up with Malfoy’s dad?
Why is a house elf out for my life?
Was it something I said?

Woo-hoo, a snake is free
Woo-hoo, I don't want to die
Woo-hoo, Don't look into its eyes

Oo-wee-oo, we look just like Crabbe and Goyle
Oh oh, and Hermione has a tail
Riddle's out to kill, now we got to stop his big snake
He took out Filch's cat

Now the whole school fears, I'm Slytherin's heir
They think I'm one evil dude
My tongue might be hissy, but my eyes sure ain't slits.
So what if it's Parseltongue?

Woo-hoo, here's a diary...
Woo-hoo, Who's this Riddle guy?
Woo-hoo, Is Hagrid a bad guy?

Oo-wee-oo, we look just like Crabbe and Goyle
Oh oh, and Hermione has a tail
Riddle's out to kill, now we got to stop his big snake
I mean, he took out Filch's cat!
Who goes and does that?

The broken sink’s the Chamber’s door
There’s a big snake down, get down on the floor
Oh no, oh my word
Fawkes the bird brought me a sword
I can fight and I can stab
What’s the matter Riddle, you feelin’ mad?
What’s the matter, what’s the matter, what’s the matter Tom?
If I stab this book you will be gone

Oo-wee-oo, we look just like Crabbe and Goyle
Oh oh, and Hermione has a tail
Turns out Voldemort has a fetish for big snakes
I don't care for that
I don't care for that
What would Freud have to say 'bout that?
Hermione's still a cat
Track Name: The Lavatory Song [Old Mix]
I was inside a stall
When a snake crawled from the wall
I looked into its - eyes
And I was DOA

Now I’m a ghost in a bowl
Fate worse than losing your soul
And now I haunt Hogwarts kids
When they have to go

Livin’ by a toilet
Notice the plumbing’s broken
The sink’s been overflowin’
That basilisk was really scary

Hey, you’re making some brew
Aren’t you Harry?
My name is Myrtle
From the lavatory

It’s hard to haunt right
When you are near me
Well, my name is Myrtle
From the lavatory

A book got thrown at my face
I was so sad and disgraced
But you came and talked me
And now I’m OK

Years later you needed aid
The golden egg was a pain
You couldn’t figure it out
So you came my way

Livin’ by the toilet
Notice the plumbing’s broken
The sink’s over flowin’
That basilisk was really scary

I haven’t seen you
So what gives Harry?
You know that I’ve been
In the lavatory

And all the other boys
Like Cedric Diggory
Are Dumb and Dumber
They’re no Harry Potter

And now I spend all of my time
In the u-bend
In the u-bend
In the uuu-bend
Track Name: Sirius Black
There's something wrong; I'm all alone
My relative freaked at me
Blew up my aunt
Used magic even though I can't
Now there's a Grim chillin' by a tree

Took the Knight Bus
Fudge made a fuss
This has been a terrible day
Then I heard Ron's parents say

Sirius Black is on the run
Sneakin' on the Hogwarts lawn
Sirius Black is crazed and free
He's gonna try to kill Harry
Sirius Black, yeah, killed some guys
And broke out of his cuffs
In Azkaban
Better watch your back, he's Sirius Black

Somethin' goin' on man
Sirius knew my dad
Now he's the "Prisoner of Azkaban"
Lupin's the bomb (Dot! Com!)
But he's kind of a lune
'Cuz he gets wigged out by the moon

Buckbeak's head's gone
Scabbers bit Ron
Sirius is actually a hound
He chased Ron's rat around

Sirius Black in the Shrieking Shack
Turns out he's Lupin's pal
Sirius Black is not crazy
He wasn't out to kill Harry
Sirius Black, yeah, framed out his crime
And broke out of his cuffs
In Azkaban
His teeth are cover in plaque, he's Sirius Black

Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o

Sirius Black is on the run
Werewolf on the Hogwart's lawn
Sirius Black is not crazy
He wasn't out to kill Harry
Sirius Black, yeah, committed no crime
And broke out of his cuffs
In Azkaban
To win his innocence back, he's Sirius Black

Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o Eh-o
Track Name: My Name is Fleur
You mock how I speak, eek
That is so passé
Bill -- Weas-ley, yes, S'il vous plait
Magnifique, Chic, My dress is white
French witches like me, might steal the limelight
A Dragon? Oh… What are Grindylows?
Champ-i-own, Oui, I’m from Beaubaton
All because - my name was on a slip
The Triwiz Tournament; I want to win it

My name is Fleur, Fleur
And I'm from France
Watch as I twirl, twirl
At the Yule Ball Dance
My name is Fleur, Fleur
From a magic land
Watch as I jam, jam
To this wiz-rock band

Veelas will catch your eye
They make all the boys sigh
Aren't I a cutie pie?
Bill Weasley is my guy
Veela's will catch your eye
They make all boys sigh
Our carriage is really fly

I’m way cooler than Harry Potter

Now all the boys are starin' at
my nice hat
And Ginny likes to call me "Phlegm"
what a brat
Flow’r of the court ‘n flow’r the heart
I'm a French chick and I'm really, really smart

Now I gotta say merci Har-ray
He saved Gabrielle from drowning that day
In the first task fought a common Welsh Green
My name is - Fleur, married to a Weasley

Veelas will catch your eye
They make all the boys sigh
Aren't I a cutie pie?
Bill Weasley is my guy
Veela's will catch your eye
They make all boys sigh
Our carriage is really fly

I’m way cooler than Harry Potter

Veelas will catch your eye
They make all the boys sigh
Aren't I a cutie pie?
Bill Weasley is my guy
Veela's will catch your eye
They make all boys sigh
Our carriage is really fly
Track Name: All the Slytherins (Better Run)
Malfoy's got a quick tongue
He likes to pick on kids just for fun
He likes to make elaborate threats
But he's just all talk
He's a cowardly kid

Yeah! Malfoy's friends are not much fun
And his dad's a jerk and he judges others
Based on his "purer blood"
But that time is through, yeah that time is through

All the Slytherins who are hurting kids
Better run, better run
'Cuz I'm the Chosen One
All the Slytherins who are taunting kids
Better run, better run
I don't like a bully

Death Eaters are all the same
They don't 'bout love, 'cuz Voldemort is a grub
But they're in for a surprise.
I'll say, "Your blood might be pure, but you soul is the pits, yeah"

All the Slytherins who are hurting kids
Better run, better run
'Cuz I'm the Chosen One
All the Slytherins who are taunting kids
Better run, better run
I don't like a bully

All the Slytherins who are hurting kids
Better run, better run
'Cuz I'm the Chosen One
All the Slytherins who are taunting kids
Better run, better run
I don't like a bully

All the Slytherins who are hurting kids
Better run, better run
'Cuz I'm the Chosen One
All the Slytherins who are taunting kids
Better run, better run
I don't like a bully
Track Name: Brokenlocket
This is more than a typical outing
On the run, ain't much fun, snatchers roam in' free
Whoa, we're waiting to end Voldemort

Dumbledore left a tricky little mission
And now we've got to make a hard decision
Horcrux, horcrux, which to go after
I wish we had a hint from our former headmaster

Oh oh, thanks a ton Dumbledore...

See, we've been hunting all week
For bits of Voldie's psyche
We got the sword made by goblins
Now let's break this evil locket tonight
Come, that's right
Honest, Harry, I'll do
Any spell we need to
I got a bag that's like a TARDIS
Forget Ron; he departed tonight
Come on, that's right, cheerio

Filled with dread; Dobby's dead
Forgetting what's at stake
Followin' a patronus into a lake, oh oh
Snape was good all along

See, we've been hunting all week
For bits of Voldie's psyche
We got the sword made for Godric
Now let's break this wretched goblet tonight
Honest Harry, I'll do
Dark spells if we need to
Sneak in a bank, with a goblin
Watch as the guards are outsmarted tonight
Come on, that's right, imperio!


Breaking into Gringotts ain't that hard to do
Using the cloak and some wicked spells too
GOBLINS in the front, a dragon in the back
Maybe I was wrong; this plan is kind of wack

We don't fight horcrux's usually
Normally its snakes or Malfoy, truthfully
He's - at Hogwarts; it's time - to end it, here we go

See, we've been hunting all week
For bits of Voldie's psyche
We got the sword made by goblins
Now let's break this evil locket tonight
Come on, that's right, cheerio!
Track Name: Kreacher
I’d rather kiss a banshee, than have to deal with Kreacher
Sirius would agree, no one wants a Kreacher
He needs a bath badly, he smells just like a sneaker
Some please stab me, I have to deal with Kreacher

Kreacher smells really bad
And he slinks just like a cat
Through the halls of Grimmauld Place
And if I had my preferred way
I’d make Kreacher go away
But, alas, he lurks in the shade

I’d rather pet Nagini, then have to deal with Kreacher
I think Dobby would agree, no one wants a Kreacher
He needs a bath badly, he smells just like a sneaker
Some please stab me, I have to deal with Kreacher

Now Sirius is gone and I got his home
And that includes this creepy gnome
Who made his nest in the kitchen
Maybe if I treat him right, maybe then I can make him ease his spite
Kreacher’s handy if you need a snoop or spy

Millions of house elfs, slavin’ away
Why’d I get stuck with, one so crazy
Millions of house elfs, working all day
Why is mine full of moral decay

Kreacher!

Millions of house elfs, slavin’ away
Why’d I get stuck with, one so crazy
Millions of house elfs, working all day
Maybe he’ll make me a sandwich one day

Kreacher!
Track Name: It's Quidditch Time
All the kids are wavin' hands
There's a Grim up in the stands
Flyin' round until its night
Hope we don't get in a fight
Dementors all up in the pitch
Malfoy nearly got the snitch
Hagrid's grillin' barbecue
Dodge the bludgers or they'll bruise

Pictures of our flight
Were taken last night
By Colin
Oh well…
Flying is a blur
But we all know it’s so cool

It's Quidditch time
We gotta beat the Slytherin's
And get all the Quaffles in
Don't get hit by Fred and George

It's Quidditch time
Streaking on my precious broom
Party in the common room
Fred and George nabbed lots of food

It's Quidditch time
Breakin' all of the house rules
There's nothing here that can top-op
This game

It's Quidditch time
And we gottaaaa win
It's Quidditch time
And we gottaaaa win

Oliver Wood's the best goalie
Playing chaser is tricky
McGonnagal is 'bout to faint
The other team is gonna cheat
Dumbledore is on his toes
Rain is pouring on our robes
Lockhart took Harry’s bones away
Hey, at least I got no pain

Pictures of our flight
Were taken last night
By Colin
Oh well...
Flying is a blur
But we all know its so cool
Dang

It's Quidditch time
If we lose to Hufflepuff
I'll be crying for a month
I mean Diggory's not that tough

It's Quidditch time
Yeah we need to catch the snitch
Hope my broom don't get bewitched
Flying faster on the pitch

It's Quidditch time
Breakin' all of the house rules
There's nothing here that can top-op
This game

It's Quidditch time
And we gottaaaa win
It's Quidditch time
And we gottaaaa win
It's Quidditch time

Time for Quidditch
Time for Quidditch
Time for Quidditch
Time for Quidditch
Time for Quidditch
Time for Quidditch

(Solo)



It's Quidditch time
And if we lose to Ravenclaw
I'll be climbing up the wall
We gotta get the Quidditch cup

It’s Quidditch time
Breakin' all of the house rules
There's nothing here that can top-op
This game

It's Quidditch time
And we gotta win

It's Quidditch time
And we gotta win

It's Quidditch time
And we gotta win
Track Name: Teen Death Eater
His name is Harry
I have a dream about him
He dies violently
And I get to do the honors
I want to shiv
The Boy Who Lived
He always defeats me with Ron
I feel more worthless than Bella Swan

Cause I'm just a teen death eater baby
Yeah I'm just a teen death eater baby
Tasked to kill Dumbledore, baby, yipee

O-o-o-oh

Hermione's a witch
She's Harry's friend and she's
A total… muggle
She's such a know-it-all
I hate his whole gang
Go get bit by Fang
Moaning Myrtle's my only friend
That's almost as creepy as how Twin Peaks ended

Cause I'm just a teen death eater baby
Yeah I'm just a teen death eater baby
Moaning and whining like a baby, that's me

O-o-o-oh

Oh Yeeah! Death eater! I wish I could beat him during Quidditch
Oh Yeeah! Death eater! I wish I could beat him during Quidditch

I’m just a teen in over his head
And now Voldemort wants my family dead
Yeah I'm just a teen death eater, yeah pity me

O-o-o-oh

Oh Yeeah! Death eater! I wish I could beat him during Quidditch
Oh Yeeah! Death eater! I wish I wasn’t such a sissy
Track Name: Malfoy
Malfoy… Malfoy
Well, I’m packin’ up my wand and I’m a head to school
Where real wizards play Quidditch while flying on brooms
Find a nest in the woods for Hagrid’s hippogriff
If he loses control, I’m sure I’m gonna get bit.
And I’m a wiz-rockin’ pure-blooded snob
Got my new robes and my Nimbus 2001
Unlike Ron Weasley who’s family’s a joke
With their hand-me-down robes and wands that are broke
He’s terrified of spiders, what a strange fellow
And crashed the family car into the Whomping Willow
No way do I wanna… be Miss Granger
Her love of school is strange, her taste in men is stranger.
Fred and George have books and potions that pleases
They’ll set up a shop of Wizardly Wheezes.
Practice dark arts like a sinister boy.
And I’m joinin’ House Slytherin’… ‘Cause yo my name is

Malfoy baby
When I’m not mouthing off, I’m usually whining.
Malfoy baby
My personality’s evil and slimy.
Malfoy baby
Death Eater by night and a creep all day
Malfoy baby
I can smell a muggle from a mile away

Catchin’ Harry with a jinx tryin’ to break in
Umbridge gives 50 points… to House Slytherin!
Whatever Harry pulls, you know I’m gonna foil
With my faithful servants Crabbe and Goyle!
Harry’s starved for attention. He thinks he’s so cool.
Because I get disarmed every time we duel.
Me and Snape are tight, he’s always got my back boy…
I’m a let Lord Vol-de-mort know why I’m called a…

Malfoy baby
Would’ve poisoned Dumbledore, but I missed my timing.
Malfoy baby
Buying evil artifacts with my mommy.
You I’mma Malfoy baby
Keep-in’ those Horcrux safe all day.
Malfoy baby
The BATHroom’s where I’m hiding away


Yeah… Harry Potter… He’s as good as dead!
He’s got Voldemort’s scar marked right in his head!
You’ll never be like me, it’s just no use
Unless you swig a bottle of Polyjuice!
Who cares that you made your Aunt plump till she burst
You’re not the first, I’ve done worse, with my Cruciatus Curse!
The Ministry of Magic is on our side.
I fixed the Vanishing Cabinet. It’s got men inside!
Cause chaos, with my power
Get Dumbledore thrown from the astronomy tower
You eaves drop on me under your cloak.
Magic won’t stop me breaking your nose.
Harry wanna spy on me… Tryin’ to stop Voldemort’s prophecy.
He ain’t like me. He’s just a powerless wizard.
I’ll have him transfigured, into some kind of lizard.
Occlumency and a potions masta’
Only spell I fear is “Sectumsempra!”
I won’t be stopped, I’ll always have a plan.
To keep from being locked away in Azkaban.

Malfoy
I -hate -filthy mudbloods like Hermoine
Malfoy
I’ll expose everyone in Dumbledore’s Army
Malfoy
Unbreakable Vow with Professor Snape
Malfoy
I keep getting followed by Kreacher and Dobby.
Malfoy
Moaning Myrtle saw me crying.
Malfoy
Death Eater by night and a creep all day.
Malfoy
I can smell a muggle from a mile away.
Track Name: Reading
Reading, books by JK Rowling
By John Green, about some blades of grass
Reading, read to the excess
Some Dr. Seuss and others, I digress

Oh, reading
Maybe even a book called "Twilight"
Reading
That's what books are for
C'mon, raise your hands
Borrow a book to read
Forget 'bout those Notes that need Sparking
Oh, reading

Oh, reading
Tales of the "Magic Tree House"
Reading
The "Goblet of Fire"
Wearing, wearing Holden's hat
That kid's so cranky, he probably needs a nap

Oh, reading
Ways to train your dragon
Reading
Maybe some "Animorophs
C'mon, raise your hands
Borrow a book to read
Forget 'bout those Notes that need Sparking (Get it? SparkNote?)
Oh, reading