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Fantastic Beats and Where to Hear Them

by The 8th Horcrux

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    If you select this option, you will get a download of our "Fantastic Beats and Where to Hear Them" album, and we'll ship you a physical copy of "Fantastic Beats...", along with a physical copy of our "Greatest Hits" CD!

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    Get all 4 The 8th Horcrux releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of (Newt Is Chasing) The Niffler, These Beasts Are Fantastic!, Fantastic Beats and Where to Hear Them, and Greatest Hits. , and , .

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1.
Voldemort stinks To put it quite lightly Demented and crazy He can't duel a baby Always, of course He's hiding at Hogwarts Scheming Hating Pontificating I think we all know Voldie must go We'll knock his lights out We'll cast a mean curse Na-na-na-na-na-no more Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-I'm sick of Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-no more Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-I'm sick of Tom Riddle! He came back in book four His face is an eyesore His skin is pale and he has no hair It looks like he OD'd on nair I think we all know Voldie's a dope He tried to cheat death And how'd that work out? Na-na-na-na-na-no more Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-I'm sick of Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-no more Tom Riddle! Na-na-na-na-na-I'm sick of Tom Riddle! I think we all know Voldie's a dope He tried to cheat death And how'd that work out? His time has come He better run We'll knock his lights out We'll cast a mean curse I think we all know Voldie's a joke A powerful wiz Who got killed by a kid And I don't suppose You know the deal 'bout his nose? It musta dropped off.. Musta dropped off... He looks like a snake
2.
Pansy 02:44
First things first, I'm a real witch Stand back Gryffindor, you 'bout to feel it And all you muggle-born wizards, I'mma beat ya down Like I'm givin' lessons in Quidditch If you wanna bad witch, that's me Evil like Kenevil, little weasel that's me Full of snark, I'm a narc, full of dark ideas My boyfriends got a dark mark on his wrist Potter always makes us lose and we hate that But Umbridge gave us power to abate that Bring the traitors in, where my mates at? You best believe I'll make you pay, brat! My name's Pansy, and my blood is gold A Slytherin bully, and a real pain, don't'cha know? My name's Pansy, I'mma little cray Don't mess with my name, I'm a hag I say, baby, I'm pure blood, but your blood is pure mud I can't stand Hermione, and Weasley is no good But Harry's the worst one, his allies are so dumb Hagrid is stupid, I could rant about the DA... But I mean Gryffindor's fine, if you like mudbloods and swine If I got put into that house, I'd think I'd just want to die Slytherin is the best, and everyone is well dressed 'Cuz we got plenty of money, I mean now who would've guess? Now tell me, who dat, who dat? Who's a true prat? True prat? I be tellin' on my peers, cuz' I'm a hood rat, hood rat I'm a mean little snitch, aidin' You-Know-Who Tryin' to get rid of Potter through a pure-blooded coup My name's Pansy, and my blood is gold A Slytherin bully, and a real pain, don't'cha know? My name's Pansy, I'mma little cray Don't mess with my name, I'm a hag Still thinkin' I'm the highest But I can't even see I'm biased My actions are just dreadful I'm more twisted than a super-evil pretzel That's just the way I love it Bein' bad is the best and you can shove We'll just see who is better My blood is as pure as this rap is clever My name's Pansy, and my blood is gold A Slytherin bully, and a real pain, don't'cha know? My name's Pansy, I'mma little cray Don't mess with my name, I'm a hag Who dat, who dat? A mean little snitch Who dat, who dat? A super-wicked witch Who dat, who dat? A mean little snitch I'm a hag
3.
I flew a car with the Weasleys In the summer before school I broke out of my prison and cruised with my best friend While I did the Dursleys adieu We flew to the Burrow Where Ron's mother found us out She was all up in a fury And very very worried 'Cuz they left without leaving a note To be honest, she was quite ticked off But she said that it was not my fault She made her sons go out to the garden Go out to the garden And take care of garden gnomes, garden gnomes Take care of garden gnomes, garden gnomes Let's hurl the garden gnomes! We needed Diagon Alley To stock up before school I said, "Floo powder power!" and BAM in a shower I was covered in ashes and soot Where I landed, I was not quite clear But Hagrid came and saved my rear Seems I wound up in Knockturn alley all alone I wandered around from shop to shop 'Till I found my friends at Flourish and Blotts They were waiting for a book signing Waiting for a book signing From that bloke, Lockhart From that joke, Lockhart That joke, Lockhart
4.
Little Norbert now the time has come Charlie Weasley is the only one to take you away We're sneaking out under a cloak that hides The three of us walk through the Halls at night Oh crap We're trapped McGonagall Caught us in the night Detention sounds about right We're in the woods tonight Hagrid says something is running wild Killing unicorns—that's really vile to me Sissy Malfoy's throwing quite a fuss Scared and whining like a little wuss We see something It's Voldemort! He's roaming free tonight Snacking on unicorn bites I soiled my robes tonight Dumbledore Needs to know what we found! What do you mean he's out of town? That's kind of inconvenient right now...
5.
Summer Stuck at Privet Drive A bummer of a summer How can I survive? I'd rather be at the Burrow Just chillin' with Ron No cares with my pals just playin' Some Quidditch out on the lawn This break has been no fun No, this summer's been real bleak But I've got two more weeks A measly few more weeks to go September's here at last My magic gear is packed I'll have my friends all back Ya know... Hogwart's is magic! There's magic everywhere (ever-y-where!) Hogwart's is magic! Nothing else can compare There’s wonder in the air This year Let’s avoid any strife I know we said that last year But I don’t want to die Don’t you think it’s peculiar How Voldemort’s always back Each year in the spring like clockwork? Security must be real slack I’m not eased by that fact Oh, but Dumbledore is here There’s nothing here to fear We should relax this year, alright? Or, we could we hit the books And think about our N.E.W.T.s? And study ‘til we puke! Hmm, let’s not... Hogwart's is magic! New adventures abound Hogwart's is magic! So let’s not flunk out! Hogwart's is magic! It’s better than your dreams Hogwart's is magic! Just watch out for Peeves Hogwart's is magic! There's magic everywhere (ever-y-where!) Hogwart's is magic! Nothing else can compare
6.
I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination All these prophecies are phony fabrications And I don’t care for a tea leaf smudge ‘Cuz I think it’s all just sludge And I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination Oh no! Not me! Hermione! I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination All these prophecies could use some citations I’ve deduced that this class is flawed And our teacher is a fraud And I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination Oh no! Not me! Hermione! I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination Although my grade’s within a standard deviation And I don’t buy that the grim is near How the heck would it wind up here? And I don’t even care if I’m bad at divination Oh no! Not me! Hermione!
7.
I'm sorry dad, I didn't realize that your best friend wasn't bad I though the prisoner of Azkaban was the reason that you're dead We ended up off target and nearly scared ourselves to death Sirius is quite pleasant, although he could uses a bath Chase a rat to the Shrieking Shack Oh my gosh, it's Sirius Black! Curse Snape in the head, knock him onto a bed Oh darn it, he isn't dead Dialogue revealing that Sirius Black really isn't that bad I know where we need to head The Shrieking Shack Hermione figured out Lupin and Sirius were in cahoots I would've known who was the Grim if I'da known my Latin roots But now we're all happy and we're one big family Oh darn it, there's a full moon; Lupin'll be a little loony Wolf attack at the Shrieking Shack Peter turned back into a rat There's the moon, that means doom Now Lupin's actin' like a loon Let's turn tail and run away I don't wanna be a wolf buffet! I know where we need to flee The Shrieking Shack We're alone in the dark woods And we don't know what to do If we die from lycanthropy Oh well At least this chapter's swell! Let's go back to the Shrieking Shack Use this thing around our neck Save the day and Buckbeak Change up time with a couple tweaks Conjure up a patronus stag Save our soul from dementor hags I know where we need to go Back to the Shack Expecto patronum!
8.
9.
Sneak Out 02:38
I wish I had a trolley-load of Bertie Botts, 
I wish I had some chocolate frogs and acid pops, 
I wish I had a mug full of butterbeer
 I wish I could just spend some time with my gang
 I was told to go Hogsmeade I needed a slip signed I ticked my uncle off, and now I’m in a bind My name’s Harry P and my family stinks
 My name’s Harry P and my family stinks
 I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out I’ll sneak out I need a certain spell to chill with Hermione & Ron A secret passage opens with just a wave of my wand Marauder’s Map, I’m down with it, can’t believe I found it It’s a treasure I’m astounded, and who’d I get it from?
 The Weasley brothers, ‘cuz they already know Below the stones all the corridors that they can roam And though this map is old and rather tattered I see passageways to hide from Snape and that’s what really matters My name’s Harry P and my family stinks My name’s Harry P and my family stinks
 I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out Thanks to George & Fred, I can sneak off far away I can give them all the slip so I wouldn’t have to stay Got get my cloak, gotta get my sack of money Creepin’ to the Duke of Honey I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out I got no slip signed, that means no Hogsmeade But Marauders came and showed me a way to sneak out Thanks to George & Fred, I can sneak off far away I can give them all the slip so I wouldn’t have to stay Got get my cloak, gotta get my sack of money Creepin’ to the Duke of Honey Thanks to George & Fred, I can sneak off far away I can give them all the slip so I wouldn’t have to stay Got get my cloak, gotta get my sack of money Creepin’ to the Duke of Honey
10.
I know a man who morphes at night By day he's kind, he is wise, and he is dignified He loves me when there's no moonlight But when the sky is dark and luna shines The claws come out, the teeth are bared, we're all terrified And we don't know him anymore To someone else, I might seem cray To ask this man on a date Don't tell me I'm wrong A werewolf's fine for Tonks! I can't stand this hate There's no need for fear My boo is so ashamed 'Cuz he's hated and deplored Lupin might just change Into something else But that’s OK, 'cuz I can see The guy I like needs help I think he's just great; a wolf is fine for Tonks! So I told Lupin the other night We'd have a kid, and he was scared Like he had seen moonlight He worried 'bout our kid's new life He ran away, he dashed my hope That's how I lost my lycanthrope I feel rather wronged A werewolf ran from Tonks! Now my heart just aches This is not ideal My boo is so ashamed He thinks his kid will be deplored Lupin ran away He kinda went beserk He met Harry, who made him see He was actin' like a jerk He promptly came back; a wolf returned to Tonks We made up, and had our kid We named him Teddy, like my dad And now nothing's wrong A werewolf's fine for Tonks! I think that we're soul mates I know our love is real Now Lupin's not ashamed 'Cuz his son will make him proud I think he's just great; Lupin’s right for Tonks!
11.
Oh no, Voldemort's back The Minister for Magic’s having a wack attack What are we all gonna do-do-do-do It's been one messed up year, here at Hogwarts School The Dark Lord's back, and Fudge is a fool Hold up, he really thinks that Harry Potter lied But if he won't listen, he'll probably die It seems that, oh, Harry's not very happy with the law, is he? It's scary what Umbridge thinks she can do! But oh no, Voldemort's back The Minister for Magic’s having a wack attack What are we all gonna do? If we don't know, I think that we're through There's no better man than Dumbledore So why's the Ministry choosing to ignore Everything he's had to say I’ll blame it on magic bureaucracy It seems that, oh, Harry's not merry, in fact he's quite very wary Of all the ed decrees Umbridge forced through But oh no, Dumbledore's gone Umbridge is the one they put in charge Oh great, just to our luck Fred and George have gone and run amok Oh, oh, we're all in a rage Now it's clear that Umbridge is depraved We got to bid her adieu If she stays, I think that we're screwed Oh, I'm sure you, sure you think you'll be just fine But oh, I assure you, assure you, Voldemort's not nice But oh no, Voldemort's nigh The Minister for Magic can't deny It looks like Harry was right But that doesn’t make me feel super great No, Voldemort's back And we all better brace for an attack What are we all gonna do? If we don't know, I think that we're screwed
12.
A wand and a stone, and something wearable The Deathly Hallows were a gift from Death He gave them to brothers three To kill them off sneakily 'Cuz they made a magic bridge The first brother was a donk He asked for the Elder Wand With it he was powerful He used it to kill a chap But got capped when he took a nap What a sordid fiasco Bro number two was a real fool He asked for a stone to bring back those from grave He used it to call back his old boo But she was rather dead; he didn't want a spooky bae So he made a make-shift gallows These are the Deathly Hallows These are the Deathly Hallows Bro number three was a real G He asked for a cloak that would serve as a hideaway He hid away from death for his whole life But embraced him as a pal at the very end of the day He had a stealthy hallow These are the Deathly Hallows These are the Deathly Hallows
13.
I came in my sixth year and I was doin’ just fine Everything was so great until the very end It started out with a prince, and then nothing made sense Who is the Half-Blood Prince? Who is the Half-Blood Prince? Now I’m goin’ to see Dumbledore and then go To find some locket thing which has Voldemort’s soul Then death eaters arrive, running around the place And then Malfoy’s like, “Die!”, but Snape gets out his wand now I know what’s going on now Green light shows And I just can’t look, he’s killing the Headmaster, I know So I see Snape was working for Voldie I go chasing him outside Try spells, but he reads my mind But I just found out today Destiny is calling me I could not believe my eyes When Dumbledore died So I’m ticked off at Snape—I'm gonna kill him sometime No more hangin’ around Hogwarts School at all I got help from this Prince when potions didn’t make sense (Snape was the Half-Blood Prince, Snape was the Half-Blood Prince) Now there’s this prophecy that involves Voldie and me That says neither can live long while the other can breathes But he split up his soul into items he picked And he hid 'em around—it's like a scavenger hunt, now Easier said than done now, off I go And I just can’t let Snape get away My hate for him grows So I’m stuck Tryin' find a horcrux Instead of finishing up school I'll make my friends will come ‘long too But I’m gonna make Snape pay And cause of this prophecy Voldemort I’ve gotta fight And Dumbledore died It's over... It's over... It's over... It's over!
14.
Dobby 02:45
Hey, I'm Hermione, a witch who really knows a thing or two And I care deeply for house elves, so that's why I founded S.P.E.W. Let me tell you 'bout an elf with a sock-gathering hobby R.I.P., to a house elf named Dobby One night Bellatrix LeStrange called me a word that wasn't nice And he saved our lives, but he lost his due to her errant knife Let me repeat, or repeat, we did not have much fun that night And we barely escape through apparition Yeah, Is it too late now to save Dobby? Because... because I foresee myself sobbing Is it too late now to save Dobby? I don't want to bury him in the ground I want to go burn the manor down Dobby Dobby Dobby Harry dug the grave by himself There lies Dobby, a free house elf Remember when Dobby dropped a cake on some random muggles head Remember when Dobby saved Harry's butt from Draco Malfoy's dad Oh Dobby, oh Dobby, good golly, oh Dobby, you were a champ Man, your passing was quite, quite depressing Here we are are, we're here to mourn to Dobby And I'll try my best not to cry Oh my word, I'll really miss Dobby I don't want to leave him in this place Bellatrix LeStrange Dobby Dobby Dobby Harry Potter had set him free A kind house elf with the name Dobby
15.
Bookworm 03:27
I love to read books Need 'em more than water I'm one to line up at midnight for some Harry Potter Paperback, Kindle, or even hardcover Flippin' page after page, I'mma gettin' smarter But you, you're always watching NetFlix You never, ever leave the house But literature is so amazing You know you're really missing out You just gotta read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book You just have to read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Let me recommend a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Flip a page and read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh I've got an addiction For fantasy and fiction Imaginative locations, turn my mind into a garden No need to worry, if I've got a story Expel erroneous notions that my hobby is just nerdy But you, you're always watching TV Binging unhealthy amounts But literature is so amazing You know you're really missing out You just gotta read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book You just have to read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Let me recommend a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Flip a page and read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh Oh, yo, borrow a book with me Can you help me out, get a card with me Oh, I got a hold, I'm so filled with glee Interlibrary loan for me When I need to go study, I took me to the library The best part is it's all free I'mma rhyme like Shel Silverstein Oh, Mark Twain, Dr. Seuss Jo Rowling freakin' rules Reading's fly, it's so dope From Sendak to Jan Brett I am so literate Proving reading's more than a hobby You just gotta read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book You just have to read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Let me recommend a book-book-book-book-book-book-book Flip a page and read a book-book-book-book-book-book-book 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh 'Cuz I'm a bookworm, oh-oh, oh-oh

about

Our fifth album, featuring tracks like "Voldemort Stinks" and "A Werewolf Is Fine for Tonks." Some of the songs are perhaps a tad bit darker than our normal output. With that said, there's still a lot of upbeat goofiness on this album. Fun fact: The entire record was recorded in Hyde Park, Chicago, while Paul was attending graduate school.

Curious what is parodied on this album? Click here: garagebands.wikia.com/wiki/Fantastic_Beats_%26_Where_to_Hear_Them

Buy our other albums through Kunaki: kunaki.com/msales.asp?PublisherId=129998&pp=1

credits

released July 1, 2016

Katerina S.: Lead Guitar, Lead and Backup Vocals, Lyrics, Keyboard, Bass
Paul T.: Rhythm Guitar, Lead and Backup Vocals, Lyrics, Programming
Jace McLain of Nuclear Bubble Wrap: Lyrics ("Dumbledore Died")

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The 8th Horcrux Ottawa, Kansas

The 8th Horcrux is a wizard rock band that specializes in Harry Potter-inspired tunes... with a familiar twist.

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